This video was done by an amazing friend who was able to capture Nathan's sweet essence. Please make sure your speakers are on, as the song is so appropriate for our little Nathan.
Some of you may already know this, but we wanted to share our story of the events of the past week. Our sweet little Nathan J Clark was delivered still born on March 3rd. I was 40 weeks and had heard a strong heartbeat the previous week. On March 2nd I was very emotional and couldn't stop crying. At the time I thought I must just have been tired and ready for my baby to be born. I continued to be worried through the night and the next morning was wondering the last time I had felt my baby move. I was two weeks early with my girls and didn't remember what it felt like to be 40 weeks along and knew my baby was big and did not have much room to move around. As the morning went on I grew more anxious and asked Jimmy to come to my scheduled final doctors appointment. As the doctor laid his fetal heart doppler on my belly, there was no sound. Immediately I knew my fears were a reality and my day was not going to be as planned. He followed with an ultrasound where it was confirmed that indeed the heart was not beating. We were taken down to labor and delivery where I would have to deliver this sweet baby. The labor was slow in comparison to my other three children and time seemed to be moving in slow motion. We were quickly surrounded by family and were shown great love and support from the hospital and nurses. Although we were in shock, we felt a sense of comfort and knew this was the will of our Heavenly Father. We went through many emotions and couldn't believe we were parents of a perfect child who just needed us to provide him with a mortal body so he could return and do the work of our Father in Heaven. The hardest part throughout our day was trying to figure out how to tell our children, especially Cameron. We knew he would understand and be our example of simple faith, and we were right. At 6:00, after one small push, our 8 lb 13 oz. 21 1/2 inch long baby boy was placed in our arms. Although there were many tears, there was a great spirit that filled that room. There was nothing that indicated to the doctor that there was something wrong with our baby. There was no cord entanglement of any kind, the placenta looked healthy, and he looked absolutely perfect. The doctor thinks that Nathan had passed away in the prior 24 36 hours, based on how good he looked. Just about the time I had felt extra emotional the day before. I truly believe I know when his heart stopped. After a brief explanation to Cameron, we brought our kids in and were able to enjoy time together as a family of six. We explained that this baby would not be coming home with us, but instead had gone home to be with our Heavenly Father. Cameron took comfort that he was with Jimmy's Dad and knew he was having fun and being taken care of. We were able to keep Nathan with us for almost 24 hours. At first, we were not sure if we wanted to hold him for that long, but looking back, are grateful for that time. There were some very special, sacred moments that we were able to share together as a couple with our baby that day. Leaving the hospital was one of the hardest things we have ever done. It felt like a piece of our hearts was left there that day. We're grateful for the gospel and the knowledge that we will see our sweet little Nathan again. It brings much more meaning to our anniversary(today) and are grateful for the chance to be sealed in the temple so that he is ours forever. We are thankful to so many of you, for your kindness and prayers. We have truly felt them and have been carried through this experience. How nice it is to have our three wonderful children at home to bring perspective to life. Cameron has reminded us that we are lucky to have had a brother die because now we have an angel to watch over us.
